I suppose I'm too assertive, confident, bold, honest, motivated, concerned or truthful cos I'm flagged off Craig's List all the time. I've even stomped off mad refusing to ever post there again. I was searching for somewhere else like Craig's List when I noticed that Denver's CL has a large posting population. Being a hard worker, I go through the musician communities in New York, Nashville, Los Angeles and Seattle regularly, looking for gigs and contacts. The other day I thought maybe Denver has something going on. I search down the musicians community listing and find a post for a recovering alcoholic. It first appears real and reeks of sympathy, but reading into it you can tell it's b.s.. It also had alot of RE's for the post. I copy pasted it and left it on my desktop for a couple weeks. Since I haven't had a drink forever, I'd been considering what it meant or what the writer was trying to say by posting it. So, I changed it around and posted it here in Portland. This blog has the replies I've received from the post which I know you'll find interesting. I crossed out the "F" words with ### words cos the readers here are in the general public, email addresses and name of the innocent and so you can use your imagination. I missed a couple of them cos they were flagged off before I could read them. As you can tell the musicians here are caring, sincere, fun loving folks. The thought of competition between brothers will never exist between them. Craig's List isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It does take a particular style or genre. It's alot like you cant really stare at the sun without burning out your eyes. Here are the replies less names, vulgarities, and the email addresses for anonymity.
[Original Post]
Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player for Hire (Old Town)
Date: 2010-02-15, 11:23AM PST
Reply to: comm-9jyg8-1601976840@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
I'm a great pro bass player looking for a new band, and have a lot of experience playing in all kinds of bands. I don't like to brag, but to be honest I'm the best bass player in Portland.
I am picky about the kind of music I play. I don't like playing in original bands, because most of the players in those bands aren't good enough to play covers, and I don't like country because it's for morons. I'll play any style except reggae, ska, country, originals, classical, hip hop, rap, alternative, jazz, punk, new age, classic rock, or metal. I play current rock, and only current rock, even though most of it sucks, so I'm extremely particular about the kind of music I play. Think Nirvana meets Eric Clapton, with a touch of Motor Head thrown in (I know they're not NEW, but that's the style of music I prefer). If that is the kind of music you play, hit me up, otherwise don't waste my time.
I'm ready to play immediately. I just need a little help financially to get my bass out of the pawn shop, and it would be great if you can loan me a little for strings, just until we get paid from our first gig, and I'll pay you back. I'm going through a messy divorce, but fortunately I get my kids part of the time, usually on the weekends. That won't be a problem though, because I can get a babysitter if I have enough notice if a gig comes up. I don't have a phone right now, but I'm planning to get a prepaid one as soon as I get a job. I'm staying with a friend right now and writing this on his computer, so you can contact me here. He says I can stay here one more month before I have to find a new place. I'm hoping to move back in with my Mom, but for some reason she's not returning my calls. My car got repossessed recently, so it would be great if someone in the band can give me a ride and haul my b ass, just until we get things going and we start making some serious money. My brother knows a guy whos sister is dating the ex-drummer of a band in Fargo, North Dakota that used to get some bookings from an agent in Detroit who cousin is the wife of a lawyer that who was hired to put together a deal for a band that almost got a contract with a big record company in Los Angeles before the deal fell through. Bottom line is, I've got great connections.
Yes, I am in RECOVERY, and part of recovery is admitting you have a problem, but I haven't had any significant relapses since my last stint in rehab, I only smoke a little pot, and only on the breaks, and I'm always careful nobody sees me in the parking lot. All other form of recreation wait until AFTER the gig! Besides, unlike some other bass players in Portland that have on-going "issues" (you bass players know who you are) you know you can absolutley count on me staying sober and NOT HAVING A SUBSTANCE ABUSE OR ALCOHOL PROBLEM because my doctor says any of that stuff will interfere with the effectiveness of my medication.
I'm ready to play, so If you want the best bass player in Portland, hit me up!
Hey Joe (the "four-string thing")
* Location: Old Town
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1601976840
###
[Immediately get a email from Lenny, a personal unsuspecting acquaintance]
DRUMMER
Monday, February 15, 2010 12:09 PM
From:
"Lenny"
View contact details
To:
comm-9jyg8-1601976840@craigslist.org
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Hey Joe! (". . .where ya goin' with that . . .")
You sound familiar. I think I emailed you awhile back. Anyway, I was in this one band out in Vancouver. (and we played "Hey Joe") It was pretty much a guitar-oriented, blues band, with a gal lead-singer. Click the following link, to hear some jam sessions we recorded at the time. That's me on drums:
www.myspace.com/*****
(I also had a little DUI incident, out in Beaverton, so I know what you're goin' through)
PEACE, LONG LIVE, & PROSPER,
Lenny
P.S. - I live in Old Town/Chinatown, too! On NW 3rd Ave.
###
[This guy know what's up]
RE: Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player for Hire (New Town)
Date: 2010-02-15, 3:10PM PST
Reply to: comm-jqeq5-1602400384@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
To the best bass player in Portland!!
Man, I've been looking all over for you for like 3 months. You sound like the perfect fit for my band that I'm putting together. I'm the best electric guitarist in Portland AND I own the best electric guitar in Portland...a 1992 PRS private stock semi-hollow double cutaway with a solid Brazilian rosewood back and 24k gold inlay. Well, I should say I used to own it - I sold it to a friend a while ago, but he'd totally let me borrow it for gigging to get started, then I can buy it back. I think it helps to be honest right away, but we all know that guitar is mine. And I'm the only one good enough to play it. How awesome is that! Anyway, it kind of carries any band I've ever been in...I think it should be our first album cover, propped up against an old railway car down by the port with a bridge in the background. Totally Portland, ya dig? Stay true to your roots.
A little about the band - we're in the same vein as what you want to play: think Foghat meets Sugarcubes with a little Aphex Twin slash Dorfmeister thrown in. Which means we need some sick vocals. I can sing, but I'm better onstage when I'm just playing guitar so we'll need a singer. You can sing too I bet, but I'd rather have a hot girl be our lead singer...especially if she can sing like Robert Page or Jimmy Plant. Whichever one did the screaming in the Doors. Besides, if you really are the best bass player in Portland, then that's what you should probably stick to. We'll have some choreography and shit to work out to make our shows really pop out, and you might need to learn tambourine on your left foot and play the hammered dulcimer with your right.
I wasn't going to mention alcohol cause it always brings back memories (or lack thereof) of my friend Jim and his Beam, but I'm a recovering rockstar as well. We all know that alcoholic just means we used to live a REAL rockstar life (none of this limpwristed MTV cosmo crap...I'm talkin bourbon mixed with scotch topped with everclear and set the f### on fire) and the f####' MAN won't let us do it anymore. Anyway, I know a guy that plays pretty good drums that blows into the breathalizer to start my car after gigs, so he might be a good fit. I think he used to own a van at some point, so he'd be great for tour driving too.
Oh yea, I do mean TOURING...Seattle, baby! I did a session gig once there, totally thought it was a film with the Seattle Symphony but it ended up being a film from Seattle called "Symphony". What a dupe! Anyway, I do an e-bow solo right before this chick goes down on a guy and he shoots her and finishes at the same time. Gripping story, we'll have to watch it every time we're over at my mom's place going through our cell phones looking to score a bag.
Almost forgot, I totally want to tour Fresno as well. I think the chick in the movie lives there, and I've kind of got a crush. Which means I've got her address and my computer desktop is a screenshot of her house from Google Earth so we can head straight to her place after the gig. I left her a voicemail on her cell yesterday for Valentines Day but I don't think she got it yet, otherwise I could tell her about the best bass player in town and how we're making a band. She'd totally let us stay at her place if she heard that news.
So anyway, this band is totally going to go places and needs the best bass player in town, so you should hit me up. I don't have a phone, but if you call the payphone by Whole Foods in Fremont between 3:00 and 3:30, I'll be down here at the library using the internet and I can totally hear it from where I sit.
* Location: New Town
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1602400384
###
[I cant tell what's up here]
re: Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player (universal truth)
Date: 2010-02-15, 4:23PM PST
Reply to: comm-grrwn-1602514688@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Sorry about that - wrong guy! I was writing to the 'Hey Joe (the "five or six-string thing")' not 'Hey Joe (the "four-string thing") ' . My mistake - He plays current rock but with a Lousiana shuffel because it is almost fat Tuesday, And he is on the 10th step of a 12 bar 1 -4 -5 - 12 step program.
* Location: universal truth
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1602514688
###
[ I may have this player fooled]
Re: Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player (Univerasl truth)
Date: 2010-02-15, 4:01PM PST
Reply to: comm-zkjwh-1602481325@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
hey man I'm having a psychic rage over your spilling the beans on the best indie band this town has ever seen. I'm the drummer with a white marine perl Breathelizer formerly played by Gene Krupa which I know is the truth because the guy that sold it to me used to play with the St. Lewis Aquarium choir! But I had to give it back along with my drums to my Ex Wife's brother in law who was once a roadie for Lenord Skinner - But I can get them back when I need them! so just give me the word dude - in the pocket and my breathalizer is here for you!
You really need to keep this sh** under your hat, - How uncool of you! shut up!!
* Location: Univerasl truth
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1602481325
###
[Ashton Kutcher would be proud of me. I guess the return email address is so I buddy up there]
Flag this message
being a stupid f###!
Monday, February 15, 2010 8:10 PM
From:
"c.m."
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To:
comm-9jyg8-1601976840@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
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you, actually wasted that much time trying to cause problems. you stupid f*** knucle! get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.
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###
[Here's a little twist to the story]
Re: Country Music is for Morons (Glass Houses)
Date: 2010-02-15, 9:29PM PST
Reply to: comm-tkhca-1602871544@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Country music is for morons who reflect upon their addictions, heartbreaks, jail terms, and other misfortunes, and use them as inspiration to write good songs to which others can relate.
It is not for veritable Einsteins who hawk their axes, and have to place ads on CL to plea to complete strangers for charity, in order to retrieve what one would think is their most valuable possession.
Good luck, man. Careful where you cast those stones...
* Location: Glass Houses
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1602871544
###
[Finally some who will let me sleep on their couch]
Re:Re: Country Music is for Morons (cunt-tree)
Date: 2010-02-16, 8:14AM PST
Reply to: see below
Wow. If you cant sense the sarcasm in that guys post, you should stay off the interwebs. It was clearly a joke, one so thinly veiled that Stevie Wonder could see it coming from a mile away. Leave it up to some country yokel to take it seriously and fight the good fight on craigslist.... Fix your pickup truck, go find your dog, and stop beating your old lady, head on down to the "libary" and do some book learnin. Country dumb aint cute no more Cletus.
You entirely missed the point. Congratulations.
###
[Here is almost what you'd consider a normal replay]
* Location: c**t-tree
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
image 1603263999-0 image 1603263999-1
image 1603263999-2 image 1603263999-3
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Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player for Hire (Old Town)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 10:56 AM
From:
"C. N."
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comm-9jyg8-1601976840@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
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Sorry you are not the best bass player in OR, I am. And I can still drink and not lose focus on life!
Actually you should go back to drinking.
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/muc/1601976840.html
###
[Then he wakes up]
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Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player for Hire (Old Town)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 10:59 AM
From:
"C. N."
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To:
comm-9jyg8-1601976840@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
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God, I read the whole ad, that is way too funny! A bass player with out a bass, bro the check is in the mail!!!!!!!!!!hahahahaahahahahahahahah
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/muc/1601976840.html
####
[And last, it comes back around and is no boubt re-written and posted again somewhere in Denver. The compensation seems reasonable.]
Flag this message
Recovering Alcoholic Bass Player for Hire (Old Town)
Thursday, February 18, 2010 7:03 AM
From:
"A* F*"
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To:
comm-9jyg8-1601976840@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
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http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/muc/1601976840.html
Hey! You sound perfect for my upcoming project. I'm starting a Billy Squier cover band, and I need a bassist. We got a gig coming up this summer opening for Rip Taylor at the Bellagio in Vegas. The pay isn't great (all the glue you can sniff, and a handjob from Rip himself!), but the exposure is invaluable!
Let me know if you're interested.
Sincerely yours,
-ACE-
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